homeless marguerites - Part 10

Eva was giving Annie some general information about Dresden before the war when the five of them (Annie, Eva, her parents and her younger sister, Elise) heard someone knocking hastily on the door. Elise was the first one to reach the door and to open it with a more casual face after having peered through the slot.
As soon as the door opened, Bernhard Maubach came in with Johann leaning on him, for he had a broken leg and had clearly been beaten up. Eva felt relieved to see that he had already been to a medical center and taken care of. Bernhard and Elise helped him sit on the couch and placed his leg comfortably on it.
Now everyone except for Annie was around the couch. Johann was telling the Lutzs in brief words how the quarrel had taken place and how it had gone on. Bernhard waited patiently for him to finish and in the end facing Harald he added to Johann’s tale: “Er wollte nach Hause, aber ich dachte vielleicht…”
When Harald interrupted: “Du hast das Richtige getan.” And no one paid real attention to Johann’s nagging. Somewhere in the middle of his tale, Eva had gone to Annie telling her shortly about Johann and his fights, that it was all normal and that there was nothing in particular to worry about, for she had estimated it to be a little frightening for someone who neither knew the two guys nor could understand a word of what they had said.
Bernhard noticed Annie when he turned back from the couch to answer Eva’s invitation for dinner. To prevent confusion, Eva explained right away in English: “Miss Anderson is papa’s guest, she comes from the U.S. Annie, this is Bernhard and the one on the couch is his friend Johann.”
Having stayed already longer in Dresden, Annie felt much less curious of what might have been going on than she would have one year ago. Eva just filled her in briefly of Johann’s parallel conflicts with different people, yet not giving unnecessary information. Then the three others around the couch dispersed for Johann to be acquainted with their very special guest.



Suddenly Johann believed the time to have stopped; nothing was happening in the world, nothing was moving, no one was breathing, even the earth stopped rotating to take a look and make sure Johann was having no hallucinations when he, lying on the couch at the Lutz’s, saw Annie Anderson in front of him. When after seconds Johann finally managed it back to the real world and also simultaneously realized that he was not to jump, take Annie in his arms and kiss her, he started being surprised at what she might have had to do in Dresden.
In no interval he remembered the night he had to stay at the window not let in by her and also mentioned Annie’s indifferent face which proved that she had not been able to recognize Johann. Then the memory of the night at the window somehow frustrated him and made him feel safe for Annie could not find anything familiar in him anymore. To him this meant huge success, meant that he had finally had the last parts of Julien out of him, that he was fully Johann again and no one else but Johann. He smiled to the pleasant thought, which everyone took for his greeting Annie. Annie smiled back out of politeness and said: “pleased to meet you, Mr. Schwarzinger”
Hearing his own name, his real own name, from Annie for the first time provided him with an even more pleasant feeling, pleasant beyond the imagination of anyone in the Lutz’s living room.
But then he unwillingly flashed back to that last night at the window. How Annie had not wanted to listen to him; how she had not wanted to let him say anymore; how she had not wanted to see him as he was, to see Johann; how she had refused to believe him and in doing so she had denied his existence; his through severe pain and endless grief newly gained existence as an individual who needed not be censorated from any stupid Julien.
The memory replaced his marvelous feeling of forsaken happiness with anger, with anger and with sorrow, so that he decided not to tell Annie anything about who he was and how he had again become what he was. To prove his new attitude to himself, he turned to Harald and said: “Ich dachte die Amerikanen hätten nur die Westen.”
At which Harald frowned in disappointment.
“Ich meine, was sucht sie gerade hier? Vielleich will sie einfach mit paar Fotos einfach Geld in die Tasche rein...” continued Johann, when Harald interrupted: “Sie sucht ihren Freund” and Elise corrected him in excitement: „nicht einfach einen Freund, wenn er nicht ihren Mann wäre, dann ist er bestimmt...“
„ach, Mädchen sind überall auf der Welt gleich mit ihren Liebesgeschichten“ said Bernhard, not totaly unironically.
Yet Johann said pretty cold: „sei nicht so naive, dieser Welt dreht sich nicht um Liebe. Diese Liebesgeschichte scheint mir zu skeptisch, wie Kindermärchen!“
Eva, having already set the table, protested: “die Arme versteht gar kein Wort, und sie hat gar keine Kamera mitgebracht Johann.“
Both boys smiled at Annie lovingly, which she simply replied with a smile.
Johann suddenly felt a great deal relieved, remembering that he had already planted the marguerites in the garden and that he was expecting the flowers to bloom in about one week or so. It was true; he and the marguerites were all back and all fearlessly themselves now.