Back Pain

Sometimes when my back hurts I imagine people trying to break my wings off. I never really had the experience, so I do not really know how the pain feels. Once, though, they were about to take them off by surgery. It did not hurt, of course, especially considering all the anesthetics I was under. And considering their condition back then I did not really feel any threat about losing them. All the doctors and other medics made a very considerate and reassuring impression on me; maybe a bit too reassuring.

It was after all the injuries and the damage the wings had taken. I was in constant pain and every day it was unbearable pressure trying to move around with giant broken wings on my back, and to make matters worse, they were also wounded on the outside. Not moving them at all was putting me in more danger in due time and every time I tried flying or at least flapping them a bit I just worsened the injuries, not to speak of the sheer pain.

That was why a surgery seemed all in all very reasonable back then and I could not see much against going with it, since it seemed as though I was never going to fly with these wings anyways.

I could not have guessed wronger.

Since it was just local anesthesia I could still hear them talk while operating on my back. It was then it stroke me that they were all way too reassuring for a surgery which was supposed to be a rather simple routine. At least that was what I had been told: a simple plastic surgery, would take a bit longer for the wounds on my back to fully heal, yet absolutely nothing to worry about. With my head facing the floor, I could of course not see their expressions as they bent over my back and I could not feel the first cut on my skin due to the anesthetics but I saw their shadows bending over me and suddenly it felt heavy on my back. I literally felt on my very senseless skin that something truly wrong was going on.

It was like my wings were calling to me... or maybe it were the trees. Yes, it must have been the trees talking in my head. I suddenly remembered all the nights I had dreamed of flying, all the nights tossing and turning in my bed with injured wings, and fully awake due to the pain. I remembered all the blows they had taken to keep me safe. I remembered how they looked back when they were still in shape: black and wide when openly stretched. Luckily for me my legs were not the slightest bit numb, so I got up on them as fast as I could and started running. I still do not know why I had to run, the thought of losing my wings had really gotten to me and I wanted to bring them to safety as fast as possible. So I ran out of there.

It was a couple of month after the "failed" surgery that they healed completely. I flew once again, I flew up high freely and I knew why I was suddenly overcome by the urge of keeping my wings in the surgery.

I can not understand why but very often, when my back hurts, I feel as though someone were trying to break off my wings. When I feel the sharp pain at the central end of the collar bones, exactly at the right spot, I fear they would want to separate my wings again...