Them Schwarzingers

It was not hard to see through the fact that I was a Schwarzinger.The more I looked into it, the more trivial it sounded. It felt as though the Schwarzingers had been waiting for me all along to finally have some sort of an incarnation, one living, breathing and out of flesh. With time, different aspects of a Schwarzinger-being revealed themselves on me and my first time in Dresden was like a great awakening. I could hear the jolly cries of all those Schwarzingers, hear the happy music in the background and all the loud noises of their celebration, when I walked out of Café Pot that first evening. I could see them jumping into eachother's arms and congratulating one another, when I finally found my way to the Prießnitz. So could I also hear the wine bottles popping open, when I celebrated Gary's birth there... There was only one thing left, one tiny detail which kept me away from turning fully Schwarzinger: the very "sacred" ritual, how they officially mated with someone for life. I could not understand it, I hated it, really loathed it, the mere thought of me nauseated me in disgust. I did not want to see into it, that anything in me might ever want to do that to another person, esp. to a loved one. And it was not without sadness that I thought of it because I knew deep within that I was a Schwarzinger and yet this one detail I did not want to accept. It was all, until that night the beautiful creature stood right in front of me. It was not the first time we looked directly into eachothers' wild eyes, not the first time I felt the world around me go blur and drag me into another realm, one which I had longed for all these years, one I had searched for everywhere on this earth, one I had kept believing in. It was not the first time I had seen the strength in those hands, which demonstrated the kind of determination and sovereignty not seen among mankind... or at least not often.But that night was the first time I smelled the scent so clearly, one which is not comparable to anything, anyone I have known so for. Like a delicate breeze, inviting, tempting, one like the taste of Marguerite petals, like the heat of red wine.   The moment it stroke me, it was the hardest to hold back and to hold on to my senses,  I felt it, I felt it taking a hold of my insides. Despite all the people around us I felt lightheaded, I felt my hands shivering with excitement, I experienced anew the feeling one undergoes, when suddenly something changes forever, something inside oneself. Yet this change is of an inevitable nature, since I knew afterwards, that which had become, had always been dwelling inside me, only undiscovered, unrevealed. So I wanted to grab those heavenly beautiful hands, to drag the creature behind me until none of those people who could never understand would watch anymore and then to do it. As scary as the urge was, I still did not really care about it back then. It felt right, it felt like an only choice. It was nothing to enjoy, neither for amusement, much more like a last resort to flee to. It was then I knew the desperation, the hope with which this sacred sin was committed. The longer I looked into those eyes, the deeper I sank into the desire, the need, the sadness of knowing what I might lose at every moment. As the background voices of others around us became clearer in my head, I could fully understand a Schwarzinger for the very first time... I was now a full fledged Schwarzinger, just as the stories talked about them.