Gary Schwarzinger

FEAR

I did something which I least wanted to do.
It was as if I had this most wonderful most precious cristal vase, in which I put my heart, for so much I loved and adored it.
Everytime I touched it, it brought me such happiness, just to be so confided by it, just to be so close to it, just to be there. Everytime I picked it up, I cherrished it and I handeled it with such care, for I was alaways afraid I might stain it.
Time changed my care to fear, fear of doing something wrong, fear of losing everything I had; or maybe just believed to have, in this giant world.
The cristal vase flew away from my hands, fell to the ground, because I was filled with my blind fear, because I trembeled where I wasn't allowed to.
now the crystal vase in on the ground, with shattered glass in my heart, the crystal will mend, but will my heart?
I stained something so sacred with the blood content in my heart, how am I going to pay for it?
what if the crystal will never touch my fingers or never reach my sight again?
And now, wherever I turn around, I see nothing but crystal, all I can see are pictures of me inside the crystal vase, that's all everyone had ever known of me; either me inside the crystal vase or me, holding the crystal vase.
If I lose the crystal vase, I have lost the only one I have ever had; the only smile I pictured when I was down, the only song I ever wrote, which would soon be a real song with music; the only security I have ever felt; the only wind to which I would bend with pleasure; the only one to whom I will give up.
The only one who knows I would not lie.
Alas, I did not realize that some words better be spoken sooner.

I know I will be half dead without it, but the question is, which half will be easier to reach? Could I reach the other half of death? Will the pain relieve?
Ever?