Red was her Favorite

When was the last time that time was the one healing wounds?

I believed I would be fine,

assumed that years were gonna make it better,

make it at least easier

that the pain would become old and dusty.

I did not wish for comfort,

did not wish for peace neither did I wish to forget,

I just hoped to handle it better.

I thought I might as well grow up a little bit more,

see more of the world and more of what there is to life,

that I would have numerous experiences to carry with me,

happy and sad, good and bad, for it did not matter much;

it was all life, it was just supposed to be there,

the whole new life experience.

I did.

Life has thrown one surprise party for me,

I got to see and live more than expected,

I have been on my path for a while now,

I have seen many new smiles and held so many hands.

Time has taken the business of passing by seriously.

And yet...

Just when I believed to have finally worked it out,

when I thought I have gone far enough to be able to handle it,

it strikes me once again.

I gave in to sobs, which have never felt so suitable before.

I felt desperate, I felt useless, I felt pathetic;

facing the fact that I might never be able to handle it,

that I might just never in my life work it over,

the fact of having lost you.

I do not think it will ever be ok,

it will definitely never be fine.

When was the last time when time was supposed to be healing wounds?

And for once more, the irony of life slapping the fact to my face,

on the day you were given life to rather than the day you were strapped off of it...

Happy Birthday Ana!