Gary Schwarzinger

So there it is, I can now understand what the nightmare was to mean; the very specific one, in which she would leave me while I am pragnant with our child, one of those I never dared tell anyone.
"Just break the nonsence off!" she would tell me, when I try to tell her about the baby. "It can't be and you know it."
In some, even after being convinced that there was a baby, she would say: "Then it can't be mine. A baby would never be mine unless I give birth to it." logical for a woman to say, but not all the truth.
But now I am really standing there in the middle of my nightmare. It is as if she keeps telling me: "why don't you wanna understand, there is no baby, even if there has been, no more." while I feel the new life inside me, our child. Exactly no other words to describe it than our child.
And I am having hell of a pragnancy, bad moods, bad appetite, bad days; pragnant with a child I do not know how to give birth to, how to bring up. A child I do love, but who would most probably never want to love me. In one of the nightmares, the child would eventually leave me to go look for her and the child would hate me for I let her leave.
Silly nightmares, silly. But at last they seem to have come true...