Screaming in a Dream

I could scream for the first time in dream and I heard myself shouting “NO!” loud and clear.

Usually it is out of fear and horror than one tries to scream in a dream and fails to make any sound, but it was out of pain and agony that I was screaming in this particular dream and the pain was more than real, it went deeper and hurt more severely that all the things which frightened me in all those dreams when I could not properly scream.

I had just gotten to his place, an ominous feeling had made me run the whole way. Out of breath and almost out of my mind I got there just to find the door ripped open and the house without him. It all felt so recent, with the fresh scent of violence in the air that there was not a single doubt left in my mind that those who had abducted him could not have gotten far yet. Following their trace I noticed I was being followed myself, by something like a wild animal or a monster. So I decided I was going to turn around and face it instead of running away – even in dreams I fear animals and creatures much less than humans. I got back on the main route and waited for it to approach.

It was a bumpy road shadowed by the many trees and bushes on both sides, I am sure that they had their parts in me suddenly feeling courage and sanctuary rather than the fear and agony. Yet I was furious and my anger grew every second, since I knew he was getting further while I was dwelling in the safe shadow of the trees. When the beast finally came close I recognized a huge brown bear and very soon it jumped on me, carved its claws into my flesh and with a sudden and strong stroke it lifted me up from the ground on its back and threw me into the bushed aside from the road. Before I got the time to react or do anything at all, it jumped on me once again and dragged me further away from the road while somehow keeping my mouth shut. This time I was about to do something when I heard heavy vehicles passing by in high speed.

“You won't be of any help if they discover you now.”, the bear said in clear anxiety before I got to do anything. As I sat up, rubbing the claw wound marks on my hand and my shoulder, I could do no more than looking at the bear, who had taken extreme measures to save me, with a mixture of anger and anxiety. It was clear that I was not going to leave him to them. It was as though I knew more and more about those who had taken him away as the dream went on and wondered less and less about their motives and goals. With the cutest shimmer of guilt in its eyes the bear looked at the wounds it had left behind and to show it did not have to apologize for saving me without wasting time for explanations, I shook my head. “We can not face them unprepared,” it said and started walking even further away from what I believed to be the main road. Not questioning the orientation of a bear who seemed to know about them way more than I did, I followed. “We?!”, I asked surprised, since I had considered myself to be on my own in claiming him back. “There are more of us, eager to help you, eager to put an end to all this,” the bear replied and after a quick glance at me it added, “a lot more than you might have realized.” As we now went deeper into what happened to be a forest I had realized by then that once again I was not as alone as a human might have thought. Nevertheless the notions of fear, agony and anxiety concerning what was awaiting him grew even stronger with every passing moment.

“So how do you plan us to get to the harbour fast enough?” I asked. For some reason we knew that they were stationed at a harbour and we were sure that it was there they were taking him to. Otherwise it would not have made any sense to use him as bait in order to lure me to their dungeons. “On your wings,” said the bear, which for some reason made me smile.

As much help as I had until we got to their dungeons, still I had to enter their abodes on my own. It was me they were after and every extra person 'infiltrating' the dungeons would have been a great risk imposed on his safety. As soon as I got there they got to me and told me to follow them. I knew they were taking me to him and my heart was beating faster and harder than ever before in my life. I knew something horrible was awaiting me, from their silence I suddenly knew that I would not find him safe and sound in their custody and to make matters worse, none of my 'captors' leaked the least bit information on what was awaiting me. He is the peaceful type, he is not one to go out searching for conflicts and starting fights for this and that. He is not one to bow down either but definitely not the type to risk too much and not the one to get into trouble. There was no reason for him being taken captive if it was not for him being with me; simply because he meant a great deal to me. Along the way to the chamber were he was being kept I became more and more aware of all that and it weighed more and more on my heart and my mind, even though I refused to say a single word before seeing him.

The door to the chamber was open when we finally got there and it was obvious that there were more of them there with him, since I could hear different voices, yet not his. It was anger but there was also a great deal of fear and pain.

“Where is he?” I shouted as loudly as I could as soon as we were close enough to the chamber, trying to stay strong and in control. “Come and watch!” said a voice. It was not just the one who sat on a chair in front of him, nor the one standing behind the chair holding his shoulders in place so that he would not move. It was also also not the glowing bar the one in front of him was holding in the hand; what scared and hurt me most was the white cloth covering his face from me. I knew he was looking in my direction, provided that he was still able to see, but for some reason – and it hurt worse than the most horrific images of hell to think about the reason – he did not say anything nor did he make a sound. And then it hit me, all the painful images of why his face was covered and he was unable to show any reaction other than turning his head my way. I tried to say something, I tried to release my anger, while the pain was much stronger. “Now watch!” said the one in front of him once again and a flame rose from the glowing bar.

And I cried “NO!” as loudly as I could and as long as I had any breath left. I cried out while my body was being dragged away from the flames and I just longed to go to him.

I screamed like it was the time of my life to scream and shout... and then I woke up.

I woke up and I found you not on any horrible torture chair but lying down next to me, fast asleep. I wanted to hear your voice, I wanted to talk to you, to turn on the light and see that there was nothing wrong with your face, that you could still move and talk and laugh. I held you tight and kissed all over your body to make sure there was no trace of the harm and the torments from my cream. I wanted to burst out into tears and talk, and as usual I could do none of it. I stayed up by your side for a long time and held you tight, angry at myself for the stupid dream and angry at you for having made me worry so. I can still taste the pain and hear my own voice anytime.