Winds of Change

something changed in you

I saw it

I heard it coming

I felt it all over my skin

I watched

I listened

I stayed

maybe as the only witness

maybe as someone who had personal interests

maybe for I was too close to miss it

maybe for I was in the right place at the right time

maybe for I was addressed by it

maybe the change does is not even to exist as long as others are concerned

maybe no one else ever knew what was there before the change

or what will be there after the change

maybe you do not even want to mention it

maybe you'd rather it never happened

maybe it means the world to you

maybe you have been expecting it already since long

maybe you would have given anything to bring it up sooner

butI know you wanted me to see it

I know you knew I'd be there

by your side

counting your heartbeats

feeling your breath on my cheeks

you'd never speak a wordf

or you don't want to deny it to mewe both know too well

. . .

something changed in you

Power of Posession

Posession, the feeling that something belongs to you, your life and is under your very own control and lead, is a feeling incomparable with all other. You can not basically be at home where nothing is really yours.
When packing for Germany, I knew about it, so I tried to pack as much of "me" as possible in my extremely limited loggage, yet 20 kg could not include much me in it (even with 20 kg extra). to strart some life some where else in the world you need some necessary "furniture" and "equipement" and then you always need some stupid objects only you value. To most people they seem like a waste of money and time, but you yourself inside you know how it is impossible to live without for example an appropriate key chain.
When I decided to buy the microwave oven, I had totally forgotten about the power of posession; but then, the second I saw it in the supermarket, I was posessed, I knew I wanted it, I needed to have a real piece for me, something I would take packed to my place, and open and set and whose manual I would read. I called Nona right away and discussed the prize with her. When I hung up, I just realized that it looked too heavy to be carried home by me, in the 187 Bus!
But as you might have already guessed, no such silly excuses could stop me at the moment. So yesterday I crried it home, luckily the Bus was almost empty at the hour and I was getting off at the end. Then I had to carry us both to the dorm, and that was managed thanks to the street lamps.
The long expected moment finally arrived and I was there with my precious Victorinox cutting through the box coverage, oh it felt so good; so indiscribably good.
The gracious feeling was still there when I realized that I have nothing my little desktop to put the spacious precious peice on.
"No matter what" is what you keep telling yourself when you want something just bad enough.
And now, everything in my 20 m2 room is prepared for my tomarrow morning's perfect toast(it also has a grill!). What a breakfast I would start my weekend with!

Forced

I tried to stay calm, it was something I had to bring to an end, no matter what. I had to totally ignore the reason why I was there, or it would have caused me a great deal of trouble with the folks. I wasn't meant for such things, I knew it very well, but yet I had to, there was no way to get away with it. I kept telling myself "Don't you dare thinking! Just for god's sake do not think!"
But it only ended up in me thinking clearer and faster. The words functioned reversely, working like a remembrance. Maybe the next time I have to remember something it would be much better to just tell myself not to think instead of trying to take the notes I would eventually forget to read.
I tried my best to falsh back to the ordinary indifferent mood of myself, and it took a much greater deal of my left energy than anyone had ever expected. I was starting to feel helpless where I stopped it. I had to take control of me agaim, I knew as clearly as it gets that I should not let me rule over the situation or I'll be doomed for the rest of eternity.
So I tried to reverse my previous words, I closed my eyes and murmured: "Think! Think! Think!" and it miraclousely worked, I got so concerned with telling myself to think that finally at some point I stopped thining about everything else.
Then I just closed my eyes, looked at him directly in the eyes, took a deep breath, as deep as my strong lungs could afford, breathed a generous amount of air out and told the determining lies.

patience

I never wanted to wait

I always wanted it right away

everything

you know how I am,

how waiting is the deadliest poison to me

and yet

despite all the times you claim to love me

despite all your passion and compassion

despite how you go crazy for me

;

;

you keep me waiting on you a little longer everytime