Screaming in a Dream

I could scream for the first time in dream and I heard myself shouting “NO!” loud and clear.

Usually it is out of fear and horror than one tries to scream in a dream and fails to make any sound, but it was out of pain and agony that I was screaming in this particular dream and the pain was more than real, it went deeper and hurt more severely that all the things which frightened me in all those dreams when I could not properly scream.

I had just gotten to his place, an ominous feeling had made me run the whole way. Out of breath and almost out of my mind I got there just to find the door ripped open and the house without him. It all felt so recent, with the fresh scent of violence in the air that there was not a single doubt left in my mind that those who had abducted him could not have gotten far yet. Following their trace I noticed I was being followed myself, by something like a wild animal or a monster. So I decided I was going to turn around and face it instead of running away – even in dreams I fear animals and creatures much less than humans. I got back on the main route and waited for it to approach.

It was a bumpy road shadowed by the many trees and bushes on both sides, I am sure that they had their parts in me suddenly feeling courage and sanctuary rather than the fear and agony. Yet I was furious and my anger grew every second, since I knew he was getting further while I was dwelling in the safe shadow of the trees. When the beast finally came close I recognized a huge brown bear and very soon it jumped on me, carved its claws into my flesh and with a sudden and strong stroke it lifted me up from the ground on its back and threw me into the bushed aside from the road. Before I got the time to react or do anything at all, it jumped on me once again and dragged me further away from the road while somehow keeping my mouth shut. This time I was about to do something when I heard heavy vehicles passing by in high speed.

“You won't be of any help if they discover you now.”, the bear said in clear anxiety before I got to do anything. As I sat up, rubbing the claw wound marks on my hand and my shoulder, I could do no more than looking at the bear, who had taken extreme measures to save me, with a mixture of anger and anxiety. It was clear that I was not going to leave him to them. It was as though I knew more and more about those who had taken him away as the dream went on and wondered less and less about their motives and goals. With the cutest shimmer of guilt in its eyes the bear looked at the wounds it had left behind and to show it did not have to apologize for saving me without wasting time for explanations, I shook my head. “We can not face them unprepared,” it said and started walking even further away from what I believed to be the main road. Not questioning the orientation of a bear who seemed to know about them way more than I did, I followed. “We?!”, I asked surprised, since I had considered myself to be on my own in claiming him back. “There are more of us, eager to help you, eager to put an end to all this,” the bear replied and after a quick glance at me it added, “a lot more than you might have realized.” As we now went deeper into what happened to be a forest I had realized by then that once again I was not as alone as a human might have thought. Nevertheless the notions of fear, agony and anxiety concerning what was awaiting him grew even stronger with every passing moment.

“So how do you plan us to get to the harbour fast enough?” I asked. For some reason we knew that they were stationed at a harbour and we were sure that it was there they were taking him to. Otherwise it would not have made any sense to use him as bait in order to lure me to their dungeons. “On your wings,” said the bear, which for some reason made me smile.

As much help as I had until we got to their dungeons, still I had to enter their abodes on my own. It was me they were after and every extra person 'infiltrating' the dungeons would have been a great risk imposed on his safety. As soon as I got there they got to me and told me to follow them. I knew they were taking me to him and my heart was beating faster and harder than ever before in my life. I knew something horrible was awaiting me, from their silence I suddenly knew that I would not find him safe and sound in their custody and to make matters worse, none of my 'captors' leaked the least bit information on what was awaiting me. He is the peaceful type, he is not one to go out searching for conflicts and starting fights for this and that. He is not one to bow down either but definitely not the type to risk too much and not the one to get into trouble. There was no reason for him being taken captive if it was not for him being with me; simply because he meant a great deal to me. Along the way to the chamber were he was being kept I became more and more aware of all that and it weighed more and more on my heart and my mind, even though I refused to say a single word before seeing him.

The door to the chamber was open when we finally got there and it was obvious that there were more of them there with him, since I could hear different voices, yet not his. It was anger but there was also a great deal of fear and pain.

“Where is he?” I shouted as loudly as I could as soon as we were close enough to the chamber, trying to stay strong and in control. “Come and watch!” said a voice. It was not just the one who sat on a chair in front of him, nor the one standing behind the chair holding his shoulders in place so that he would not move. It was also also not the glowing bar the one in front of him was holding in the hand; what scared and hurt me most was the white cloth covering his face from me. I knew he was looking in my direction, provided that he was still able to see, but for some reason – and it hurt worse than the most horrific images of hell to think about the reason – he did not say anything nor did he make a sound. And then it hit me, all the painful images of why his face was covered and he was unable to show any reaction other than turning his head my way. I tried to say something, I tried to release my anger, while the pain was much stronger. “Now watch!” said the one in front of him once again and a flame rose from the glowing bar.

And I cried “NO!” as loudly as I could and as long as I had any breath left. I cried out while my body was being dragged away from the flames and I just longed to go to him.

I screamed like it was the time of my life to scream and shout... and then I woke up.

I woke up and I found you not on any horrible torture chair but lying down next to me, fast asleep. I wanted to hear your voice, I wanted to talk to you, to turn on the light and see that there was nothing wrong with your face, that you could still move and talk and laugh. I held you tight and kissed all over your body to make sure there was no trace of the harm and the torments from my cream. I wanted to burst out into tears and talk, and as usual I could do none of it. I stayed up by your side for a long time and held you tight, angry at myself for the stupid dream and angry at you for having made me worry so. I can still taste the pain and hear my own voice anytime.

Strange Dream

It was on the beach, their eyes met accidentally. Even if it was just a split of a second, they both wondered what the other one was doing there and if the other was fine and happy. None of them looked back, none of them followed the other's movements. A bond is still a bond and one as strong can certainly not be broken easily. So some thoughts were shed, on both sides. Everything was so distant and vague, so much has changed in their worlds and the world had changes so much. 

It was the last second, before the underground doors closed, he stepped out and made his decision. It was all over long time ago, none of them had a place in the other's life anymore, it was fine, but there was something he simply had to do...

So he ran after the elder one, who was now getting inside another train, with the long - now - blond hair waving behind him. he manages to jump inside, before the doors closed. Still he was in another wagon and cold not reach the elder one. That was why he had to follow him out of the station and through the alleys. The elder finally stopped in front of a well guarded building and running up the hill to reach before he vanished behind the big green door, he managed to read the word 'Prison' written big and shiny on the top of the building. Was he a prisoner or a guard, or maybe there just for a visit, was not to be told from the way the elder was waiting at the opening door.

Out of breath he finally reached the gate , right before it closed behind him, "Dad!", he cried out loud to catch his attention. As the elder one turned back and looked at him, with a cold expression on his face and questions in his eyes and as the cold expression seemed to be vanishing, now that the elder recognized the young man standing on the other side, he found the strength so say it at last, "No more thinking, dad. Now I finally know I am a unicorn."

So the dark green gate finally closed on his last word. It was such impossible relief for him to know that his old man had heard it from his mouth. Now he could go back home, where people awaited him with a smile.

Brüche aus einem Traum...

Der Ausbruch eines Krieges in seiner Stadt. Sie spürte es von Hunderten Kilometern Entfernung, noch bevor es vollgebracht wurde, denn als Kriegskind hatte sie ein feineres Gespür dafür. So verließ sie das zu Hause und machte sich zu ihm auf. Mochte sie nicht willkommen sein, mochte er sie nicht hören wollen, sie musste zu ihm. Ihr war die wahre Bedeutung eines Krieges und seiner Folgen zu gut bekannt, um zusehen zu können, wie sie auf ihrem Geliebten zustießen. Als sie in die Stadt ankam war es aber soweit, das Chaos war schon im Zentrum ausgebrochen, Leute rannten hin und her, niemand wusste aber richtig, was los war, niemand konnte sagen, was jetzt zukommen wurde. Ihr war jedoch das alles kein bisschen neu. Sie lief ihren Weg durch die mit Menschen überfüllten Straßen zu dem Hügel. Da war es noch ruhig, er hatte bestimmt bis jetzt nicht geahnt, was los war. Dann kamen sie endlich, die kleinen, schwarzen Bomben lagen überall auf Bürgersteig und auf Pflasterstein der Straßen. Man wusste nicht, ob sie vom Himmel fielen oder ob sie vom Boden wuchsen. Jede von ihnen brauchte nur eine Minute, um zu sprengen und um sein Schicksal zu vollziehen. Hastig die Bomben um sich mit den dünnen Armen so weit wie möglich werfend, schaffte sie sich den Weg weiter zu dem Hügel, weiter zu ihm, der immer noch nichts ahnen konnte. Die Menschen auf den Straßen verloren langsam die Kontrolle über eigene Nerven und wurden jeden Moment verwirrter, ängstlicher, lauter, gefährlicher. Sie aber konzentrierter sich auf ihn, sie musste ihn finden und mit ihm über die Berge weg fliehen, bevor es zu spät wurde und wenn schon, wenn es dann soweit war, wurde sie da sein, bei ihm. Sie wurde ihre Ängste, ihre Trauer, ihre Erinnerungen alle überwinden und ihn anlächeln können.

Es war dann, als sie ihr bei einem Umweg durch ein großes Krankenhaus aufgefallen sind, alle Männer vom gewaltigen Körper und mit einem besonderen Blick in den Augen. Sie hielten etwas wie ein bestimmtes Armband in der Hand. Niemandem anderen schienen sie aufgefallen zu sein, sie jedoch hatte diese bemerkt. Sie war wahrhaftig ein Kind des Krieges, sie kannte solche Blicke, sie kannte die List des Krieges, das alles hatte sie schon mal durch gemacht. Was diese Männer mit den Armbänden vorhatten, konnte sie nicht sagen, dass diese eigentlich digitale Fernbedienungen war blieb ihr aber nicht unbewusst. Was sie damit bedienen bzw. kontrollieren wollten, konnte sie nicht sagen, wollte sich auch nicht weiter damit beschäftigen. Einen Krieg verhindern konnte sie nicht, noch die Katastrophe, die bald hier ausbrechen wurde, ihn aus dieser Sache heil raus zu bringen konnte sie aber vielleicht noch. Egal wie wichtig die Geschehen um ihr waren, führte ihr Herz sie zu dem Hügel, in dessen Tal er ein zu Hause hatte. Ihre Beine kannten plötzlich weder Schmerz noch Müdigkeit. Mit einem der Männer in einem Fahrstuhl gefangen, schloss sie die Augen und dachte nur an ihn, einzig und allein an ihn. Es ist doch wahr, dass man meint, Frauen würden anders aussehen, wenn sie verliebt sind, dass ihr Antlitz wie Heilige strahlt, wenn sie an den einen Mann denken. So sah der Mann im Fahrstuhl sie an und sogar in der Situation wurde ihm sofort bewusst, woran sie dachte. Sie war sicher, dass der Mann mit dem metallenen Armband in der Hand auch wichtigeres zu tun hatte, als nachzuprüfen, ob die kleine Frau neben ihm was von dem Wesen des Armbands ahnte. So lief sie wieder ihren Weg zur freien Luft der Straßen. Unterwegs schrie sie einfach zu ein paar Polizisten, dass sie die Männer in Acht nehmen mussten. Doch bleiben konnte sie nicht, so rannte sie einfach weiter und trat sich die kleinen, schwarzen Bomben, die nun wie Regen vom Himmel fielen, aus dem Weg. Einer der Männer war nun hinter ihr her. Er lief immer schneller und ihre Lungen brannten mit jedem Atemzug immer mehr. Eine Polizistin verfolgte nun den Mann hinter ihr. Der Abstand zwischen ihr und dem Mann wurde trotzdem immer weniger.

Große Angst hatte sie nun, aber nicht vor dem Mann, denn er hatte keine Stelle in ihren Gleichungen, sie fürchtete sich davor, ihren Geliebten nicht rechtzeitig erreichen zu können. Sie musste zu ihm, um jeden Preis und das nicht nur weil sie seine Ferne nicht mehr dulden konnte, sondern weil sie ihn nicht dem Krieg überlassen konnte. Ein Krieg durfte ihn ihr nicht wegnehmen, auch wenn sie hier nicht willkommen war. Sie war verdammt nah daran, jetzt konnte sie den kleinen Hügel deutlich sehen und der gewaltige Mann war so nah, dass sie sein Atmen hinter sich hörte. Die Lippen presste sie so stark aufeinander, bis sie blass wurden. Sie musste zu ihm, bevor dieser Krieg ihn erwischte. Sie musste auf jeden Fall zu ihm, der in diesem Moment nichts ahnend sich zu Hause einen leckeren Tee goss.
Ein stummer Schrei drückte alle Luft von ihrem Hals aus. Sie musste zu ihm. 

a dream I had last night

She had been walking all over this land for such a long time, she had already feared sharing the common destiny as almost all the inhabitants: desperation.
Weather gloomier and deeper depressed people could have ever been living anywhere else on the earth she knew, was to be wondered.
Weather the sun was shining bright or the clouds of rain covered the sky, her people sighed every time they looked at the sky. Weather the wind was blowing hard or it was as peaceful as it could be, her people never took a deep breathe to benefit the fresh air. Even the children's game was more an aggressive show rather than a joyful act.
Although it had been the same ever since she could remember, she had never got used to it and she did not intend to. She did not want to. She kept singing joyful songs to herself and listening to her own laughter. She practiced funny stories and made joyful memories up for herself.
It was about four years ago when she decided to travel over the land and to spread her thoughts. She was hopeful to find friends who believed the legend of joy and she was not let down. All four of them were pacing the roads now, singing, laughing, and telling jokes despite their anger and the fatigue of not having come across even one smiling child. Now it seemed as though they have been together all their lives. They rarely remembered the time they had lived apart.


On that very cloudy evening, they had reached the town where she had started up with her first friend.
Exhausted they sat on a corner in the street where they could here children shouting around a broken wooden piano. The piano was not old, it was unfinished, and there was no paint on the wood yet, neither on the white keys. Some keys were missing, here were no pedals and the deck had no covering. The children though were trying to tear it apart.
"No one ever knew why it was left there." Said her friend. "No one's ever heard any piano in this town" he paused, thinking deeply. "But you know what; it's missing more parts now." He finished.
"Is it?" said her third friend.
"No wonder, when you look at the children. I'd be surprised if it weren't!" said the second friend.
"They're killing the poor piano!" she yelled. Then she jumped up and ran towards the piano. Her friends followed her in a much less furious manner.
She started fighting the children away from the piano. "Hey! the crap is no good!" shouted one of the children as her friends were close enough to hear the struggle.
"If you're not good enough to the piano, you'll never know." She replied and before the child could afford any comebacks she hit one of the keys as hard as she could. A nasty, harsh steel noise was given out, followed by every one's silence.
She looked quite relieved, looked up grinning at her friends and said "The fun part starts now."
First she tested all the keys, then all the black ones, all the unpainted ones, one in every five and once again all the keys. Every one was watching the process of the change in the sound as she continued. "Now this is not gonna be really pleasant, but we gotta be patient." She said, giggling.
She started playing the most out of tune song her friends have ever heard, the children on the contrary seemed focused, interested, bewitched.
She replayed the song for about seven times when her friends finally felt willing to sing along. The children turned their looks and watched them as if they were magicians from another dimension. Watching the looks in their eyes the four of them burst into laughter which made them even more mysterious to the children.
The sweet music of piano had gathered more audience by the time the children were also singing along joyfully.
"We did it!" whispered her third friend. She secretly looked at her, looked back at the crowd who seemed no more gloomy as they were, back at her friend and nodded with a slight smile.
"WE DID IT!" yelled her first friend and embraced the two girls.
"We are doing it!" said the smiling second friend.

They started out hitting the roads again, playing music, dancing, singing, telling jokes, laughing, cuddling and kissing; Never leaving a place before having witnessed the tears of joy up in the people's eyes, before some have danced to their music or have fallen in another's arms kissing.


She felt the cold wind blowing inside her as they reached the town and she knew it was not going to be easy.
The streets were quite empty, the shops looked as if closed, and the sun was shining too brightly in the sky, as if attempting to dry every kind of life up. There were no children to be seen and no bird to be heard. The huge trees though were standing wildly up high. "Theses have already been awaiting us." She said smiling, although she was already feeling anxious. She felt like holding her friends as tightly as possible and singing to each of them.
When they reached the great hall with big windows, inside which almost every desperate soul has gathered together she knew the cause of her feeling. She remembered the last time she had crossed this time, when it was not remarkably so grieving. She remembered when she had stopped in front of the great hall amazed by the beautiful vast windows. It was then when one gloomy soul had stared at the same window telling her in one most shaded voice that she was going to die in the very same hall.
She told her friends the story in a casual voice. "There is much greater number of people left. I want you to go on, regardless of what becomes of me." And she kissed every one of them. "May I ask you to stay out?"
"Dare you not!" said the third friend furiously.
"It's not faire for you to take one piece on your own." Said the first friend.
And so they all entered the Great hall and she headed straight for the stage. Her friends began playing a soft song and she began singing, stepping smoothly towards the big wooden table on the stage. The heads were all down, nobody seemed to have mentioned their arrival, neither their song. As she stood her hands on the table, she saw the glass jar. There was no wood under it; it was somehow plugged into a hole on the table. As she was staring at the bottom of the jar singing, amazed by the way it held on to the table and not falling down, the bottom broke into pieces and she thought she knew what it meant.
To all her friends it was clear the jar contained nothing but her life.
Her singing voice began to tremble as she felt her insides being sucked out of her. Her song now turned pleading. She was holding the last remains of the jar by her hands, singing as loud as possible.
"Right here my body needs to lie
Please hear my song before I die…
Before you forget all my friends
Before regret conquers the end…"
She went on hopefully.
She wanted to be heard before only her legend remains on this land. She was asking to be remembered rather than talked about, described. Her life was being sucked up and her still singing friends had burst into tears.
One gloomy face turned up with the brightest blue eyes she could have imagined.