s'approcher

Tu me l'avais dit, comme si il n'y a eu jamais aucun accord entre tout-ce qui nous étaient arrivés.
je t'ai regardé comme si tu as parlé d'une langue nouvelle pour le monde entièr.
je t'ai vu
je t'ai entendu
je t'ai compris
je t'ai attende
je t'ai suivi
mais je n'ei rien trouvé.
tu étais partout, mais toujours très loin.
très loin...

je ne peux pas

je ne peux pas
je suis trop fatiguée
je ne veux plus de se battre
de se battre pour les plus simples de la vie
je veux rester pour un second
mais maintenant, si je reste
si je reste ici
si je veux me reposer pour le moment
...
c'est pas du tout le moment
il faut que j'aille plus loin

frozen

the sky was just too dark
the clouds were just too thick
it was just too cold
the birds were just too far away
the wind was just too strong
the window was just too small
and the first snowflake landed
followed by just too many
the joy was just undescribable

something in the way you look tonight

something in the way you look tonight
something in the way you wear that white shirt
something in the way you have left that last button undone
something in the way you have pulled your hair back
something in the way you behold yourself
something in the way you take your steps
something in the way you ride your smile across your lips
something in the way you lean against the table
something in the way you grace the wineglass

something in the way you look tonight
something in the rage in your heart
something in the thirst in your breath
something in the solitude in your eyes
something in the cold on your hands
something in the challenge in your dreams
something in the fear on your cheeks
something in the hatred over your arms

something in the way you looked at me tonight
something in the way my chest burst with grief
something in us, apart, playing foreigners
something lit all our dreams alive again

slow burn

life's like a flame
tender, colorfull, warm, energetic, pure
it starts with a spark
tiny, mortal, instantaneous, bright
not given durable chances
turned up by an accident
not chased by measurable plans
joyfull to the eyes of beholder
then it's a slow burn
limited, semi-steady, transing, giving
never the same although it appears to be
affecting the surrounding though it might not be mentioned
generating borders to seperate what is unliving
braught to the joy of withnessing the end

tu crois, toujours si fort, que je suis loin
que je suis impossible
que je porte de malheur
que je suis condamné
je t'ai vu, toujours ton chagrin, en souffrant
toujours tes chemins, en attendant
toujours ta passion, inavouée
toujours une chanson, impartagée

Guilty

who are you to say that I am wrong?
who are you to moralize right and wrong?
who are you to decide about me?
who are you to suppose you know me?
who are you to feel responsible for me?
do you also want a piece of me?
are you also too week too uncourageous to at least claim all of me?

I was

I was certainly going to take care of all that.
I was going to make it right.
I was going to see how it all would appear to be.
I was going to cherish your every move.
I was going to teach you
teach you how soft the air moves throw feather
teach you how fluent a song flows around you
teach you how bright the rain norrishes the soul
teach you how sheltered you're protected under a tree
teach you how white and neat a touch can be
I was going to take you up above the clouds
where there is no more sign of mankind
where everything is so pure
where everything is sofresh
where the wind blows so freely as never.
I was going to bring up the rightfull words.
I was going to make it all work out.

it's me!!!!!!!!!

If you could peer far enough into the night sky, you'd see a star in any direction you looked. When would you sleep?

ever

something changed forever
something changed you
something changed my life
something chased all my dreams
something fought all my songs
something cast away our laughter
something discovered your fears
something took you far away
something discovered my tears

Mathevorlesung

Was mache ich hier?
Wie bin ich hierher gebracht?
was möchte man mit mir tun,
worüber sprechen diese Leute,
warum erklärt mir niemand, was passiert ist,
wie sind alle so einfach stehen geblieben,
soll ich den Raum verlassen,
was erwarte ich denn draußen,
oder, was mich erwartet,
wo bin ich überhaupt,
wozu bin ich geblieben,
was suche ich hier?

just feeling like giving a chance to writing from university, I am still far too coherent for this weblog thing. sometimes I have a lot to publish but then as i get to the keyboard I have no clue, I have no choice of words, no phrase which could describe the bearing on my mind. sometimes I even get to hear myself panting so hard. I hear myself speaking German, but I do not get to document the words.
I feel so paralized, every half an hour I get a new feeling and new ideas about my life and what I want to do with it. I picked engineering over other majors I adored so greatly only due to job oppotunities and now one I know is that even if I graduate as the to0p student over here I would never ever be able to make an engineer. I am so pissed off. I just try to keep the idea of grasping the qualifications regardless of what ever I might desire to do for me.
I am left on my own, I am left with nothing to be done for me, I am left like a poor little thing.

je ne fume plus
je ne reve plus
je suis seule sans toi
je suis laide sans toi...
... je suis fatiguee
je suis epuisee...
et je suis malade
parfetement malade...

Blood

I am blooded. I was almost to forget all this bounding between me and blood but it keeps coming back to me time to time. It makes me think sometimes that I can not really die without blood. it brings me the fear of dying with no blood, I am afraid of half existance. how could blood be inserted in self-termination theory?
that would make it hard like hell, I am afraid to fail.

c'est parfois totalement etonnant quand on pense qu'on est finalement arrive la, ou on en avait besoin et touta coup... c'est tout fini... il ne reste rien...
c'est tres vide ici, je suis horriblement seule. personne ne m'entend.

when did it happen?

is it really supposed to be apearing bizarre that i just realized I am being an engineering student? I really have no answer to that but after three years, today, after the new year hollidays I realize that I am doing it regardless of all the facts mentioning that I can't be it!
it is so tragically true that I really do not have a clue of what to do with it.